Happy Poodles & Raw Noodles

Ten Stupid Expressions That Must Die Soon by Lourd de Veyra

burntbrain:

Unfortunately, language does not have a governing body like the WHO. There are no monitoring bodies to track down the migration of viruses, no one to combat their spread, no one to file criminal charges. These are the phrases that contribute to the speedy decline of civilization. And whoever started them deserves a slow and painful death by swine flu.

1. “Ayt”— Because you’re not black, and you’re not a total idiot. And don’t think for one second you’re cute.

2. “Aylavet”— It’s like Kris Aquino— tolerable on the computer monitor and the cellphone screen but irritating when heard. This takes on a heightened level of annoyance when the speaker animates the expression by prolonging the last syllable. At which point I summon all my powers of restraint to stop strangling speaker with my bare hands. Especially when said speaker happens to be a red-blooded male.

3. “Meh ganun?” - Because the radio station Energy FM 91.5 is among the best reasons for avoiding public transport.

4. “Elow po”— With the optional “poh.” Indicates that the speaker is either a 14-year-old girl who has a pink-wallpapered Friendster account or just a complete dumbass.

5. “Chorva”— Because in 1574 God invented the dictionary. Two and a half months before that, God invented the human brain, which he intended for complex systems of operations like logic, reasoning, analysis, and language. Which means, God did not want all his creatures to speak like they worked the night shift at Reyes Haircutters. If he did, we’d all have naturally bleached, over-gelled hair. That, plus perennially raised collars.

6. “Nownah”— Which is “now na” pulled down to unfathomably moronic depths, but is actually persuasive in specific instances. E.g. “I will bludgeon you until you’re comatose, you stupid idiot. When? Nownah.”

7. “Ayuz”— The bigger schmuck, however, is that record company dork behind Ayuz: The Compilation.

8. “Haller” — God’s way of telling us we’re not reading enough books.

9. “Text-text”— Indicates several things:
a. A certain appointment/ person is not important enough to merit an exact time and place.
b. “We’re so dumb we can’t even make up our minds about which restaurant. You’ll be late? It’s okay. I’ll be late, too.”
b. “Let’s play it by ear. Maybe I’ll feel lazy and I won’t be in the mood to see you.”
c. The improvisational nature of the Filipino temperament. Which is probably explains why we’re the mightiest, most efficient nation on the planet.

10. “OMG” — Marks the completion of our descent from human beings into ants.

— is Lourd on tumblr yet?

professionalcrazy:

(via prudence-stewart)

i intend to keep postcards alive.

professionalcrazy:

(via loveyourchaos)

yes.

(via papertissue)

thelastbone:

shebeingbrand:

writtenvomit:

happythings:

elevenfive:gryffindorkk: chrisfourteen: classics: thedailywhat: Lunchbreath: “Cycle of Life” So in order to break the cycle I have to pass up free Oreos? Uh, not happening. [more.]

WHY IS IT SO ACCURATE?

Funny but sad but true.

pinoytumblr:

sunscrape:

This joke has so much more meaning now than it ever has.

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, “Where have you been?”

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downward through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.

“For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a group of islands and said, “What are those?”

“Ah,” said God. “That’s the Philippines, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, rivers, mountains and forests. The people from the Philippines are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as carriers of peace and love.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”

God replied, “Wait until you see the idiots in their government.”

(via papertissue)

I’d like to think it were like this but it’s always me who comes to your rescue.

…I think we got used to it. Oh well.

professionalcrazy:

purpledamaris:

innovatorprocrastinator:

minaslumber:

inspiri:thinkofprettythings:laeticia:

Perception

Something to think about….

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approximately. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:

The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.

The questions raised:

*In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

*Do we stop to appreciate it?

*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.

How many other things are we missing?

(via mzreport)

Interesting. It’s a pity tho people didnt stop to listen. I love the violin!

and as I’ve recently had to learn from my mother, the world does not love art (not as much as I do). /sigh.

thelastbone:

(via papercranes)

(via papertissue)